Human Expectations
Written by Victoria Leal
It is unrealistic to put expectations on others. We live in a world where we have become accustomed to expecting certain people to act a certain way, according to our wishes and desires and this unrealistic custom is most prevalent in the area of male/female relationships. As women, we expect our man to act a certain way with us, to say certain things to us, to express his desire for us in the way that we want him to. And because these expectations are based on a false truth, they are doomed to fail. The same principle applies to men and their expectations of the women in their lives.
This principle is largely based on societies, past and present. It has always been the man's responsibility to take care of his woman and his family by providing their needed support. Just as it has always been the woman's responsibility to take care of her man, the children, and the home; to be the nurturer and care giver; usually without much thought of her own wants and needs. There are many more examples of the separation of the roles of men and women but I won't go into them here. You know what they are...you know what you have been taught.
But let me ask you a question: How would you feel if you determined that everything you have been taught about the relationship between men and women and their respective roles, was wrong? A lot would say that their teachings originated from the bible, beginning with Adam and Eve, and can't possibly be wrong!
I do not challenge your beliefs because from a human standpoint, what ever you believe is true because it is true for you. But consider this truth: You are not the human body that you perceive yourself to be. You are the Power and Presence of God having a human experience, with all of its flaws and limitations. There is no separation between the Spirit, which is you, and the magnificent Spirit of this universe. Because you are the Spirit of all that is and all that will be, you are, right now in this moment, complete, whole, and perfect.
However, because we do not fully realize who we really are, we tend to look for answers we seek outside of ourselves. We tend to believe that someone else can make us happy; that someone else can cause us to experience joy or pain, for that matter; that someone else can love us better than we can love ourselves; or that someone else can actually make us feel less than the awesome Power and Presence of God.
You have built-in perfection; perfectly equipped with everything you need to survive this experience. When you start looking within yourself for the answers you seek, instead of outside of you, there you will find the truth of who you really are and you will begin to see the perfect order of this universe and an answer no longer becomes necessary. You will begin to see the magnificence that is you! This same magnificence is within all of us. You will no longer feel that all of your solutions are outside of yourself and by learning to appreciate who you really are, as well as those around you; you will see how futile it is to expect someone else to provide what you already possess.
You are now free to share this wonderful experience called life with those whom you love, knowing that each of you are already whole, complete, and perfect...without lack, limitations, and without expectations.
About the Author:
Victoria Leal is the Owner of Reality Check.bravesites.com. To find helpful information on how to live the kind of life you deserve, please visit: http://realitycheck.bravesites.com This article is copyright 2007 by Victoria Leal and may be reprinted in it's entirety as long as this byline and copyright statement are included.
It All Starts With You
Written by Victoria Leal
Think about this: It is impossible to feel good when you are thinking bad thoughts. Your only responsibility in this life is to increase your vibrational output, to feel good, and that's it. It is through raising your vibrational consciousness that everything good that you have ever wanted will come to you. If it is your desire to change the world, so to speak, then it all starts with you. You have no control over the vibrational frequency of others, only yourself. For example, it is not possible to sit and watch the news all day long and feel good. Your thoughts are going to be based on what you are observing and if you are watching stories about murders, rapes, and bombings, as well as, all manner of negativity then this is what you are feeding your mind and these are going to become your dominant thoughts--producing fear, worry, and doubt.
When fear becomes your dominant thought, it is impossible to feel good, to feel safe and comfortable. Start consciously paying attention to what you are observing. I used to be a CNN junkie until I realized that it was impossible to feel good when all I was hearing and seeing everyday was mass negativity. But when I stopped watching it, I immediately began thinking good thoughts again and I felt so much better. It's the same thing with being around negative people. Again, if someone is complaining all day, their negativity will rub off on you.
I've been asked, "Well, don't you care about what's going on in the world?" And my response is, "Of course I do, but I can't fix the world, I can only fix me and by fixing me, I can begin to fix the world." It all starts with you. If each and every individual on this planet would adopt the attitude that they will start with themselves, imagine what a truly wonderful world this would be. In order to give, you must first have it to give. If my thoughts are soaked in negativity, how can I possibly expect to make you feel better? I can't! By starting with me, increasing my own positive vibrational resonance with the good things this universe has to offer, only then can I help another to do the same.
I used to think that all of this talk about positive thinking was a bunch of nonsense until I actually began to experience the benefits of doing so. But as Dr. Robert Anthony puts it, it's not about positive thinking or negative thinking, it's about Right thinking. In all cases, you must do what is right for you. I can hear someone saying, "How selfish!" And they would be right, but it is through this selfishness that selflessness is born. If you do anything out of guilt or fear, then you are doing no one any favors, especially yourself. It is only when you feel good about yourself that miraculous things occur--or what some would call miraculous. When in fact, when you feel good about yourself, all of your desires will come to you on a daily basis and this includes wanting to see others live a long, healthy, prosperous life. But you can't do this for them; you can only do this for yourself. When your light begins to shine, you can't help but shed light on others. My light is shinning right now.
When you are in a place of truly feeling good, you can't help but want the same for others. But let me expand on that. I specifically said "truly" feeling good because this has nothing to do with your ego, your status, your money, your reputation, or others' expectations of you. Truly feeling good has everything to do with what's in your heart. It's about feeling good about everything you do, no matter what others are saying about you or even thinking about what you are doing or not doing. It has nothing to do with helping someone else solely for your own accolades. It has absolutely nothing to do with what others will say or think about you if you do or don't do anything. It has everything to do with feeling good about you. It has everything to do with trusting your own instincts, no matter what anybody says. If saying "no" to someone is truly how you feel in your heart, then say "no" and do not second guess yourself worrying about what they will think about you for saying "no". Do not allow anyone to make you feel guilty or fearful for saying "no!"
There is no one more powerful than you in creating the kind of world you choose to live in. Strive for ways everyday to feel good about youself and when you truly feel good, you will become contagious. You might be saying to yourself, "Well, you don't know what I am going through. It's not that easy to forget everything and just feel good!" And my response to that would be, "Oh, but it is!" Even if you just start with five or ten minutes at a time, you can do this. Anytime you feel good, you are increasing your vibrational resonance and good things will just begin to happen for you. Don't fall into the trap of worrying about How or When something will happen, just know that it will and when you begin to increase your vibrational output with the good things you want, all manner of good things will begin to happen; difficulties will just disappear, paving the way for more good things to come to you.
Here's a place to start, try not watching the news for one week and in its place, watch something that makes you feel good. Listen to your favorite music. Immerse yourself in things that make you feel good. Think about things that make you feel good. In other words, be selfish! By doing this, you will notice a remarkable difference in how you feel...and that's just the beginning! If you live with someone who is constantly negative, make the time to be by yourself, to find that good feeling place and dwell there for as long as you can. The more you do this, the easier it becomes.
So, you want to live in a better world, then you must know that it all starts with you.
About the Author:
Victoria Leal is the Owner of Reality Check.bravesites.com. To find helpful information on how to live the kind of life you deserve, please visit: http://realitycheck.bravesites.com This article is copyright 2007 by Victoria Leal and may be reprinted in it's entirety as long as this byline and copyright statement are included.
My Wonderful Watering Hole
Written by Victoria Leal
I have been wondering this desert called life for almost 30 years, searching for the all-powerful, life sustaining water that is you. Sometimes, I would come upon a lake, thinking that I had found what I needed, only to find that it was a mirage.
Sometimes, I would come upon a lake that would sustain me for a little while but right before my eyes, it began to disappear and dry up leaving me right back where I started.
As I continued in my travels throughout this life, there were times that I thought I would never be able to survive. But in my heart, I knew that I wanted to do more than just survive. I wanted to live; to live an abundant life; a life filled with love and happiness. This is the life that I was meant to have.
Just about the time that I thought about giving up on finding this life sustaining water, I came upon this wonderful watering hole. I submersed myself in it. In the beginning, I feared that it too would dry up or not be real, but it continued to show me that it was never ending and would give me what I needed to live the abundant life that I deserve.
And now, I know in my heart that I have found the all-powerful, life sustaining water that is you. I love you and I am so grateful that you love me. You have become my life, my love. It is your love that sustains me, that keeps me feeling alive, young, vibrant, and beautiful. I will always cherish you; I will love you for who you are and I will be forever grateful for the day that you found me. For you are my wonderful watering hole, filled with the life, love, and the happiness that I have been searching for. I love you.
About the Author:
Victoria Leal is the Owner of Reality Check.bravesites.com. To find helpful information on how to live the kind of life you deserve, please visit: http://realitycheck.bravesites.com This article is copyright 2007 by Victoria Leal and may be reprinted in it's entirety as long as this byline and copyright statement are included.
The Pursuit of Happyness
Written by Victoria Leal
I just finished watching the movie, "The Pursuit of Happyness" and it made me cry which, in and of itself, is not unusual. My favorite type of movie is what I lovingly refer to as a "tear jerker." Watching this movie made me cry, in all the right places. Such as when he and his son were locked in the bathroom, when his son told him that he was a "Good Papa", and especially at the end, after everything he had gone through, he ended up getting the Stock Broker position at Dean Witter...I cried the most then. But then something happened. When the words came on the screen at the end of the movie that read...Chris Gardner went on to found Gardner Rich in 1987, I cried a little bit more. Then the words read...Chris sold a portion of his assets in a multi-million dollar deal, I was really choked up.
I was trying to maintain my composure, in case someone walked into the room, but it was getting harder to hold. My tears were building up like a Tsunami, a force to be reckoned with. I was feeling like I wanted to explode. I fast forwarded through the credits, looking for more tidbits on Chris, but I could not take it any longer. I pressed the stop button on the DVD remote and headed for the garage, grabbing a paper towel on the way. As soon as the garage door was closed behind me, I let go! I cried and I cried...I cried hard and loud. In between wiping my tears, I would use the paper towel to muffle the sounds coming out of my mouth. I wondered, what in the world was wrong with me? I was sitting here crying uncontrollably.
If anyone had walked in on me and asked me what was wrong, I would not have been able to tell them. I did not understand the feelings that were overwhelming me; I just know that I had to get it out! After a few minutes, the thought of someone walking in on me was enough to help subside the tears. I stopped myself from crying, but I still don't know where they came from? I picked up my pad and pen and started to write about what I was experiencing and sure enough, Joy came into the garage to ask me a question. She could see that my eyes were red and that I had been crying so, I beat her to the punch and said, "Mann, that movie made me cry." She asked, "Which part?" To which I replied, all of it, really. She then told me that it made her cry also, when she saw it at the movies and Lawrence was laughing at her for crying. And then it hit me! Maybe I was crying for him, Chris Gardner?
The scene where he was told that he got the job, tears began to well up in his eyes. He was trying so hard not to let them fall. He had to get out of the office, lest they would see him cry. He immediately thanked them, briefly wiped his cheek, shook their hands and quickly made his exit out of the building. Even then, once outside on the street, he still tried to maintain his composure, while clearly showing signs of relief. When I cried, it was like I was crying for him. I experienced all of the release that he could not. Not one time did he ever complain to his colleagues about what he was going through and at no time did they ever know that he was homeless, while raising his son, at that. And all the while, he never gave up. He never quit, not even for a moment. Besides the couple of times when his attention was being pulled at both ends, on one end by his son and on the other end by whatever problem he was dealing with at the time, his son never really knew the depths of his father's struggles because his Papa always took care of him and he trusted him to do so.
I am still sitting here reeling, although no longer crying, thinking about everything he went through; and we only know the parts that were shown in the movie! No movie has ever affected me this way and I am a movie collector and amateur critic.
In the beginning of the movie, Chris talks about Thomas Jefferson and the Declaration of Independence; how we are all entitled to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness. Chris asks the question, "How did Jefferson know to use the word pursuit?" Then he surmised that perhaps happiness could only be pursued, but never actually achieved. I think now, that maybe he might feel a little differently. I am reminded of a quote I once read, but I can't remember the author. It went like this, "They say that money can't buy happiness, but I sure would like to find out."
In the end, I am so very happy for Chris and I will be forever grateful to him for sharing his story with us, for it has truly touched me this day and I will never forget it. Even though I spilled the beans by telling you that he got the job, you still need to see this movie, if you haven't already; and if you have seen it, see it again. Well, I'm off now, to watch it again.
Until we meet the next time, may you find your inner strength to handle what ever you are going through. Hang in there. Never give up. And you will win!
About the Author:
Victoria Leal is the Owner of Reality Check.bravesites.com. To find helpful information on how to live the kind of life you deserve, please visit: http://realitycheck.bravesites.com This article is copyright 2007 by Victoria Leal and may be reprinted in it's entirety as long as this byline and copyright statement are included.
To Love And To Be In Love
Written by Victoria Leal
When you love someone, you primarily love them because of what they bring to your life. You love them because they make you happy, because you are grateful to them for what they bring to YOUR life. You love them for what they say and do to make your life a little more pleasant. You love them for the joy and happiness they bring to your life and how they make you feel about you. When you love someone, it's all about YOU!
When you are In Love with someone, it's about what you can bring to their life. Being in love with someone causes you to do and say the things that will bring about joy and happiness in their lives. When you are in love with someone, you will do and say things that will make their lives more pleasant. You look for ways to make them feel good about themselves. When you are in love with someone, it's all about THEM!
The most wonderful experience that you can have is to love someone and also be in love with them because your needs are being fulfilled by loving them and you in turn fulfill their needs by being in love with them. When you both love each other and are both in love with each other, the cycle is complete. When you love someone and are in love with them and they love you but they are not in love with you, eventually the relationship will become one-sided.
When this happens, the person that is in love will begin to feel the effects of not having their needs fulfilled. In other words, they are doing all of the "giving" of support to their partner, but they are not "receiving" the support they need from their partner. Once this point is reached and their need for emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual support are not being met, they tend to feel as though they are being taken for granted, or that their partner does not care as much about their happiness as they do their own, and the feelings of wanting to make your partner's life easier, more pleasant begin to dissipate...hence we have the term "falling out of love" with them.
In the beginning of love, it has become more acceptable to say that you are "falling in love" with someone rather than to just come right out and say "I love you!" When you do that, the other person may doubt your love for them. Because they don't yet love you, they can't understand how you can love them. However, if they love you also, then when you first tell them that you love them, it brightens up their world and the two of you now have a starting place for something beautiful. The beginning of love is just love.
When you first realize that you love someone, you love them and then you begin to fall in love with them. And the two can happen instantaneously. Think about it, in the beginning of every relationship, we are looking at how this relationship will benefit us; how happy it will make us; how attracted to them WE are; how being in this relationship makes us feel and more importantly, how the other person makes us feel. To be honest, it's really all about US.
As we begin to fall in love with someone, we begin to think more about them and what will make them happy. We begin to do things that will please them and make their lives happy, peaceful, and more at ease. But first, we will have taken into consideration our own happiness factor before we allow ourselves to fall in love. And it's important to note here that time is not a factor. You feel what you feel, at the moment you feel it.
But because we have been conditioned to live in fear we believe, and others are quick to advise us, to "Take Your Time." Others are quick to say that what you feel is just infatuation or worse yet, they attempt to take what you feel and hold it up against the Bible's definition of love, which most find impossible to live up to, so you begin to doubt yourself, to doubt what it is that you feel, for someone else, in your heart.
Learn to trust your heart and to trust your instincts about what you feel. What you feel in your heart is real and it is no one else's place to define how you feel. In case you're wondering, Yes, I definitely believe in love at first sight and if you saw that person through the eyes of love instead of through the eyes of fear, you would too. In order to experience the most beautiful, profound love, you must not be afraid. Do not be afraid to open your heart and give your all, for this is truly the only way that you will know a love so complete, that it will blow your mind! And if you do open your heart and give all that you have to give and it doesn't work out, you just have to keep going, realizing that you are that much closer to finding the man or woman of your dreams...trust me on this!
If you can realize the beauty that is you, the essence of all that is good, then you will eliminate heartache from your life. After all, why would you want someone who doesn't want you? You are God's most spectacular creation and you deserve to be loved in the grandest way. And yes, if it does not work, it may hurt for a while but you move on. This does not mean that you did not really love; it just means that you were not in love with the right person and the more time you spend with the "wrong" one, you are taking precious moments away from the "right" one.
So, do not be afraid to love; do not hold the "New" person in your life responsible for what the "Old" person has done. Do not shield your heart for fear of it being broken...Open up, Forgive, Let go of past hurts and pain, Live, and Love to the fullest extent and you will draw unto you that which you so richly deserve, which is someone who will love you and be in love with you...totally and completely!
About the Author:
Victoria Leal is the Owner of Reality Check.bravesites.com. To find helpful information on how to live the kind of life you deserve, please visit: http://realitycheck.bravesites.com This article is copyright 2007 by Victoria Leal and may be reprinted in it's entirety as long as this byline and copyright statement are included.